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There’s a phrase I want to purge from my vocabulary: “I used to.” It’s a phrase we all use - sometimes to relate to others, but often to shackle ourselves. Today, I want to talk about why I’m done with it, and why you might want to be done with it too.

For years, I avoided the spotlight because I knew it would expose not just my strengths, but my weaknesses too. I’ve made mistakes-some small, some colossal-and I’ve carried the weight of those decisions like a chain around my neck. Am I embarrassed by some of the choices I’ve made? Absolutely. Am I ashamed of the times I let others take advantage of me? You better believe it. And the consequences of my actions? There are moments I don’t even want to think about.

The easy thing to say is, “I can’t go back and change any of it, so I should just move on.” But it’s never that simple. When you want to open yourself up to people, to truly be seen, you have to confront your past. And that’s terrifying. I’ve walked this earth for 47 years-42 of them upright-and for most of those years, “I” was the head of my life. The blind leading the blind. And as sure as the sun rises, I made mistake after mistake. Some were astronomical; others minute, but they all left their mark.

Even in my happiest moments, I wasn’t truly happy. I was always searching for something more. And in my searching… It led me to make some questionable decisions. Decisions that, to this day, make me cringe when I think about them.

But here’s the thing: something beyond great happened to me. I found Jesus. Jesus-that name that was translated twice over- the same Jesus, who died on the cross for the sins of you and I. His act didn’t just offer forgiveness; He made it possible for me to be free from the weight of my past. We say it so often that it can sound like a small thing: “Jesus died for our sins.” But it’s not small. It’s the single greatest act of love in history, and we can feel it daily, yet we weren’t there to witness the magnitude of his suffering. 

The Bible says that when we ask for forgiveness, our sins are cast into the sea of forgetfulness - never to be brought up again. “Poof.” Just like that, we’re forgiven. But here’s the hard part: even though God forgets, we don’t. I’ve held onto my past like a rock tied to a chain, dragging it behind me everywhere I go. Guilt, fear, shame - it all keeps me tethered to who I “used to be.” But if I truly believe in the power of forgiveness, why can’t I let it go?

And then there’s the other side of “I used to” - the “I could have been.” I find myself in this space a lot. Maybe it’s because, at first glance, I’m often underestimated. People don’t always see my intelligence, my potential, or the sacrifices I’ve made. So, I feel the need to explain myself. “I used to be this… I could have been that…” I say these things to validate my place in a room or a conversation. But why? Why do I feel the need to prove my worth based on who I “was” or who I “could have been”?

The truth is, I made decisions - some good, some bad - that led me away from the path I thought I was supposed to be on. And for a long time, I let those decisions define me. But here’s what I’ve come to realize: every choice, every detour, every mistake has brought me to where I am today. And where I am today is exactly where God wants me to be.

So here’s my challenge to you: What are you holding onto? What phrases or regrets are keeping you shackled to the past? It’s time to let go. It’s time to step into the freedom that forgiveness offers. Because the truth is, you’re not who you “used to be.” You’re not even who you “could have been.” You’re who you are “right now” - and that is enough.

I had to go through everything I went through to be standing here today. The good, the bad, the hurt, the joy, the shame, the pride - all of it. Because God wanted me to be right here, right now, with the compassion and understanding to help others survive. And if that’s you- if you’re struggling to let go of your past - know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to carry that weight anymore. Let it go. You’ve survived. Jesus has paid the price, so you don’t have to. I know you don’t think you can ever get past that thing, or ever be forgiven for this, but you’re already forgiven. Lay it before the Lord and leave it there. Anyone is welcome to go deep sea diving if they want to know who you were: I heard that Sea of Forgetfulness is pretty deep. But if you’re asking me. I begin my introduction with “I am…” If you believe in forgiveness, and the Power of Right Now, that should be your introduction too.